What's the point, now? I already removed you out of my life, so why am I still trying hard to look good? Look good for you? Only you? It's pointless! Does that mean I haven't completely let you go? I guess I didn't. But it's the first move I could make to forget everything about you, like you never existed... Like how I never existed.
"Ridiculous. A Nobody cannot 'feel' anything." -- DiZ
I feel completely lost. Seeing you, I forget what I'm supposed to do. I can't figure out anything. I lose my way.
I'm not supposed to feel anything. Not even for you.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
There's No Need For Me
I believe I was never important to you to begin with. I never feel any more unique when strangers or friends compliment me, but it was always You that made me feel unique.
No one else ever made me feel any better about myself.
Only you make me feel the happiest of my life.
You can easily make me stronger.
You're important to me.
The one I care about.
It's all you.
2009.
Times were changing. I couldn't let go of you. I still had you around, I always remembered the things that made you, You, and everything that I love about you. It was difficult for me to be far from you and just as difficult when I'm close to you. And then one day, I removed you. I thought I had moved on... I fell for other people (or I thought I did), and then I realized that I'm falling back to you. I became an alcoholic. I was still trying, trying so hard to vent out my thoughts, did stupid things, random things but nothing ever helped. Just alcohol. Not many mattered to me.
I lost a lot of myself. the things that made me, Me.
I felt bad for hurting you, still. It was my fault, and I felt like you'd never forgive me. Thinking back, I didn't even know what I was saying to you. My heart was hurting through the whole year, I used lies to cover everything up about you. I used a lot of things to cover everything about you. I'm a fool for accepting you into my life.
2010.
So what? I come back home. I felt even worse, realizing that I've come closer to you. I was happy to be home, but not happy because of my past mistake. I thought of the things you said to me... I asked myself if what you said were real. I always questioned it, "Was that really you? The inner you? Or just bullshit?" I never understood.
Then the day came. I never expected it because you unexpectedly had to show up at the wrong time and wrong place. I got mad at you for that. You didn't make a plan. I tried to avoid you but I felt bad. Thinking about it, I should have been more strict. I feel utterly hopeless. I feel like I don't even deserve to live. That's how bad I feel. It's my fault again.
When I saw you, you treated me differently. It was ridiculous... The person I knew a long time ago, was completely broken, along with my feelings--my heart. I was left with pain only. I easily was how you behaved. You became so weak. To think that the amount of feelings I had for you was easily flipped around to hating you. It's because I admired you, too. But now, you're just a typical guy. A complete idiot. I can't that YOU, of all people, turned into a douchebag. You were so special to me and now, you're gone... Now, I'm gone.
"I'll keep breaking my heart until only dust is left. I want nothing left. I'll finally become a an empty shell. A nobody and heartless."
No one else ever made me feel any better about myself.
Only you make me feel the happiest of my life.
You can easily make me stronger.
You're important to me.
The one I care about.
It's all you.
2009.
Times were changing. I couldn't let go of you. I still had you around, I always remembered the things that made you, You, and everything that I love about you. It was difficult for me to be far from you and just as difficult when I'm close to you. And then one day, I removed you. I thought I had moved on... I fell for other people (or I thought I did), and then I realized that I'm falling back to you. I became an alcoholic. I was still trying, trying so hard to vent out my thoughts, did stupid things, random things but nothing ever helped. Just alcohol. Not many mattered to me.
I lost a lot of myself. the things that made me, Me.
I felt bad for hurting you, still. It was my fault, and I felt like you'd never forgive me. Thinking back, I didn't even know what I was saying to you. My heart was hurting through the whole year, I used lies to cover everything up about you. I used a lot of things to cover everything about you. I'm a fool for accepting you into my life.
2010.
So what? I come back home. I felt even worse, realizing that I've come closer to you. I was happy to be home, but not happy because of my past mistake. I thought of the things you said to me... I asked myself if what you said were real. I always questioned it, "Was that really you? The inner you? Or just bullshit?" I never understood.
Then the day came. I never expected it because you unexpectedly had to show up at the wrong time and wrong place. I got mad at you for that. You didn't make a plan. I tried to avoid you but I felt bad. Thinking about it, I should have been more strict. I feel utterly hopeless. I feel like I don't even deserve to live. That's how bad I feel. It's my fault again.
When I saw you, you treated me differently. It was ridiculous... The person I knew a long time ago, was completely broken, along with my feelings--my heart. I was left with pain only. I easily was how you behaved. You became so weak. To think that the amount of feelings I had for you was easily flipped around to hating you. It's because I admired you, too. But now, you're just a typical guy. A complete idiot. I can't that YOU, of all people, turned into a douchebag. You were so special to me and now, you're gone... Now, I'm gone.
"I'll keep breaking my heart until only dust is left. I want nothing left. I'll finally become a an empty shell. A nobody and heartless."
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Can't Forget It Again
I simply forgot how much damage one person can do to my spirit. Now that I remember how strong I really am, I won't be bothered much by it. I will do this my way.
I am supposed to be strong to protect those important, not be hurt over those who matter.
I am supposed to be strong to protect those important, not be hurt over those who matter.
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